David Acts Insane to Escape From Saul's Anger (1 Samuel, Chapter 21)

David acts insane, letting drool dribble over his beard and onto the ground, and begins pounding his fists into the floor.  

This image is from the Brick Testament, which is a hilarious source for Biblical material.

Over the time I've been reading the Bible again, I've learned that approaching the Bible strictly as a "moral code" is ridiculous, and that's just the wrong way to look at it.  It's also wrong to take it seriously or literally.  I suspect that's why so many Christians don't want to read the Bible from cover to cover; because shortly after the first two verses of Genesis, it loses credibility as a tale about reality and so we'd rather just hear the preacher's explanation instead.

However, if we look at it as a source of entertainment, where we can read about some really interesting behavior, the Bible is great.  Sure, it's badly written, but once we stop taking it seriously, ironically it becomes easy to read.  The cognitive dissonance goes away.

In this chapter of 1 Samuel, David is afraid of King Saul's wrath.  If we remember, David is seen as something of a war hero because he killed Goliath on the battlefield.  Now, he is seen as being chosen by God Himself.  King Saul recognizes this and basically wants to kill David before he becomes a threat to his power.

David runs away, and in this chapter he even approaches the enemies of Israel (the kingdom of Gath) to escape from Saul.  But some people in Gath recognized David since he was famous by that time, and called him out on it.  He then acted like a madman, scribbling on some gates, drooling, and hitting the ground with his fists, just so they'd think he WASN'T David!

For some reason, he thought that if he acted like a mad man, they'd change their mind and protect him from Saul.

The chapter closes with Achish, who is the king of Gath, asking, "Have I need of madmen, that you brought this guy to me?"

Perhaps madmen were treated as entertainment back then?  Or was he just being sarcastic?  I guess we'll find out next time.

I'll be honest with you. I'm not sure what the beginning of Leviticus Chapter 15 is talking about, but I think they're talking about men's ejaculation. They call it the "running issue". One thing's for sure, they're not talking about jogging magazines.

They might be talking about some sort of gonorrhea, too. But most of the resources I've looked up say it is about ejaculating; particularly 'wet dreams'.

Basically, if a guy gets a little bit of jizz on himself during the night, the bed he laid on is unclean and anything he sits on until evening. And, if someone touches his bed, then THAT person is unclean, too! And by unclean, I don't think they mean physically; the implication is spiritual uncleanliness, or sinful. During normal sexual intercourse, both are considered unclean until evening.

The Israelites sure are anal with their superstitions! But the basic message is right, if you dig past all the unnecessary rituals. Guys or girls, if you get cum on you - wash it off. It is pretty damn gross to be walking around with cumstains on your pants and hands.

I'm not sure what kind of commentary I can add to this. In reality, we can argue that a person with semen on them is physically dirty, but are they spiritually dirty? I guess if you feel guilty for doing it, you are. And if someone is touched, or touches someone that has semen on them, are they dirty? I'm not sure if I want to delve to deep into this topic, so I'll stop. But I'd be interested in your comments.

Women, according to Leviticus, you are filthy! When you are menstruating, you are unclean during your period (seven days), AND for seven days after that! And if a man should have the audacity to have sex with a woman on her period, he too is unclean for seven days. After the eighth day AFTER the period, a woman must go to the local priest and have him sacrifice two small birds.

Chapter 15 covers some disgusting and unnecessary topics. I don't want to continue this discussion, but here's an interesting quote:

Leviticus 15:8 - "And if he that hath the issue spit upon him that is clean; then he shall wash his clothes, and bathe himself in water, and be unclean until the even."

Spit? Nah. They can't be talking about that. Can they?