A nonbeliever's SECOND reading of the Bible

A nonbeliever's SECOND reading of the Bible
Hunc tu caveto.

Monday, July 20, 2009




Man, Genesis is long. I've read an average of three chapters a day, and I have about eight left. I've also been focusing on videos too, if you haven't noticed. Anyways, I'm going to finish Genesis right here (good riddance).

One thing that really pisses me off about Genesis is how stupid everyone is. Last we left off, Joseph was made second-in-command by the Egyptian Pharoah because of his accurate predictions. During the seven good years, the Egyptians stored corn; and during the seven bad years, they lived off the corn they stored and sold it to neighboring countries (Genesis says ALL nations, but I doubt that's true).

Joseph tricks his brothers

Well, one day Joseph's own brothers came to Egypt to buy some corn. These are the same guys who left Joseph to die in a well. Joseph recognized them, but none of them recognized him. See? That's what I mean about how stupid the characters are in Genesis.

Joseph approached his brothers and, speaking through an interpreter, accused them of being spies. He took as prisoner one of the brothers, and sent the rest back to retrieve the youngest son. I guess he made a deal that if they went back to Canaan and brought their youngest son, he would drop the charges of them being spies.

When the brothers got home, they found that each of their sacks had extra money. Actually, there's a contradiction because Genesis 42:29-35 says they found the money at home in Canaan; and 42:27 and 42:31 say they found the money in the inn back in Egypt.

Eventually, after they ran out of supplies, the brothers went back to Egypt and brought their youngest brother along, and brought twice the money to repay for what they guessed was an oversight on the Egyptians (the money they found in the sacks).

And STILL the brothers don't recognize Joseph! Maybe Egyptians wore a lot of makeup? Was he a Bronze Age emo kid? Even then, I'd think I'd recognize my brother.



Joseph reveals himself to his brothers

Yes, he is an emo kid! He couldn't take it anymore and breaks down crying. "It's me guys. It's your brother Joseph. Remember me? The guy you tried to kill way back when?"

Understandably, the brothers were a bit disturbed by this news. I would be too, if I were them. He told his brothers not to worry about that whole murder-your-brother episode. It was God who sent him away; not them. I'll remember this line next time I murder someone.

He sends his brothers back with a bunch of gifts and money, and asks that they all return, with their father (who is now called Israel finally).

Jacob's reunion with Joseph

The disbelieving Jacob (aka Israel) makes the trek to Egypt and sees his longlost son. "Now I can die," he tells him. "Now that I know you're alive."

Before that happens Jacob even meets the pharoah, who is amazed at Jacob's age (130 years). Joseph's family settles in Egypt, and they wind up dying there.

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