Saul bumbles again (1 Samuel, Chapter 15)

Saul grabs Samuel's robe, and accidentally tears it (15:27).

Image from HTML Bible

Chapter 15 is pretty straight forward.  Basically, God (aka Yahweh) remembers that Amalekites did some pretty mean things to the Israelites a few hundred years ago, so He orders that they should be exterminated - elderly, men, women, children, infants, livestock, EVERYTHING).

Saul does a few things wrong however, he actually let a group of people called the Kenites go, because they were actually kind to the Israelites even though they were living with the Amalekites.  I don't think this is what got Yahweh pissed off, though.  What pissed Yahweh off was that Saul didn't kill everyone.

Saul had the gall to let the Amalekite king live (though all other Amalekites were slaughtered - men, women, children), and Saul decided to keep the best of the animals.

This pissed Yahweh off to no end, and He even said that He regretted making Saul a king.  Imagine that - God has regrets!

Now, to be honest, Saul did this because the people asked.  But, this is not what the Supreme Leader asked, via His spokesperson Samuel.

When Samuel learned that Saul had not followed the God's commands to the letter, He chewed out the king, in a display that showed who the real power was.  The power isn't the king, who is a secular authority of sorts, but through the priesthood and especially via Samuel.  In the picture above, Saul is shamed for his bad behavior and grabs the mantle of Samuel's cloak, accidentally tearing it.

After tearing the cloak, Samuel sees symbolism in it and says that God has torn the Kingdom of Israel away from you, Saul, and has given it to your neighbor.

The chapter ends in a final morbid scene.  Saul, who has been stripped of his kingship, approaches King Agag of the Amalekites - their last surviving member.  "Surely, the bitterness of death has passed," said Agag.

Saul replies, "As the sword has made women childless, so too will your mother (who is probably dead by now) be childless among women."  With that, Saul cut Agag into many pieces.

The Slaughter of the Ammonites (1 Samuel, Chapter 11)

David Punishing the Ammonites. By Gustave Dore, created in the 1800s

Strange things start brewing when an Ammonite named Nahash meets up with the elders of Judah.  The elders offer a peace treaty and an alliance (i.e. a covenant), and Nahash essentially says, "We can have peace if you allow me to pluck out each of your right eyes."

The elders are taken aback, and said, "Hm, give us seven days.  If no one wants to save us, then we'll come to you."

The elders go back to the city and tell the inhabitants of their plight, to which they all cry.

The elders then run to King Saul, who gets angry (actually, God gets angry and that's why Saul gets angry) and thus Saul's first task as king will be dealing with the Ammonites.

Saul basically rounded up 30,000 Israelites from Judah and then laid waste to 300,000 Ammonites, "slaying the Ammonites until the heat of the day."  The Ammonites survivors were so few and scattered about that no two were left together.

Afterward, Saul enters Israel (where the Ammonites were), and renews the kingdom in Gilgal.  A celebration of the new king of Israel then ensued, with God knows how many sacrifices, and all the men had fun.  Presumably, the women had to clean up after them.  Wow, not much changed after so many thousands of years!

Jacob reunites with Esau

Encamped by the river, Jacob's arch-nemesis brother Esau approaches with 400 men. Jacob only has two concubines, two wives, and a bunch of children. But oddly, Esau isn't out for revenge. He's actually happy to see Jacob and they embrace each other. I'm not sure why he needed 400 men, though. Maybe for effect?

Jacob is happy that Esau likes him now. As Jacob gives Esau gifts, he tells Esau, "I have seen your face, as though I had seen the face of God."

That is a very strange thing to say, especially since Jacob HAS seen the face of God. Does this mean that God is red, hairy, beastman? Or maybe Jacob's a liar. He has lied a few times already.

Rape and Slaughter

Jacob's daughter Leah is goes out to see the countryside, performing the very odd task of "seeing the daughters of the land."

A man named Shechem, a prince of the land pounced upon her and basically raped her. He was apparently in love with her. He asks his father Hamor to "get me this damsel to wife." Basically, "Whoops, I just raped her, and now I want to marry her."

So Hamor went out to find Jacob so that he can arrange a marriage between Dinah and Shechem. Jacob and his sons had heard that Shechem was a rapist, though. Hamor comes with the jolly idea that each party should trade women with each other; like cattle. Rather than be up front with Hamor, Jacob lies and says that she can't marry Shechem because everyone is uncircumcised.

Hamor and Jacob hammer out a deal to have ALL the men in the city circumcised! Hamor and Shechem go back to the city and tell everyone, "Jacob and his family are peaceful people. Let them live and trade with us. We will take their daughters as wives, and give our daughters to them. The only catch is that all the men have to cut the tips of their penises off. But hey, free chicks!"

So basically, another pile of foreskins for the all-powerful Creator of the Universe. Yippee!

Then, when the men were "still sore" (OUCH!), two of Jacob's sons walk into the town and basically slaughter every man in the city, including King Hamor and Shechem. The rest of Jacob's sons then plunder the city, taking with them all the wives and children as captive.

Jacob isn't pleased with this. "Why the heck did you do THAT?!?" He basically said. "Now everyone's going to think we're hostile and band together against us!"

That was a fairly wise observation.

The brothers rationalized their slaughter by saying, "So we should've let him treat our sister like a whore?"

This gets behind the mentality of men back then. To these people, rape is not a crime against the woman; it's a crime against the man. This is the same morality that brought about Muslim honor killings. To contrast, in rape cases today, justice is upon the individual who committed the crime, not the people who live in proximity to the person. The response of Jacob's family was that the rape of Dinah was a crime against them and their family line.

Jacob renamed Israel, again ... and Jacob renames Bethel, again

Jacob, now with an army of women and children P.O.W.s, heads back to Bethel. He then confiscates their false gods, which they were holding in their hands (idols).

All the surrounding cities were scared of the sons of Jacob, and they did not want to pursue them. Along the way, God Himself appears to Jacob (He's a frequent visitor) and says that Jacob's name is no longer "Jacob," but Israel. Didn't we go over this before. Yes! After Jacob WRESTLED with GOD and WON! But for some reason, the name didn't stick, so God is renaming him again. Guess what? It still doesn't stick.

And when Jacob is in Bethel, he names it Bethel AGAIN, right before his wife Rachel dies. Isaac also dies, at the tender age of 180.