Amalekites - the first zombies? (1 Samuel Chapter 30)

Above: Fighting the Amalekites 

For some reason, ALL my photos and images were removed from this and other blogs.  So, I was a bit discouraged for a bit.  But, the show must go on.


1 Samuel, Chapter 30 - This chapter is like the cherry on the cake for 1 Samuel.  The Amalekites, who have been exterminated TWICE in this book (Chapters 15 and 17), show up again and get exterminated completely yet again.

The chapter opens up with an invasion from the Amalekites, who assault the town of Ziklag where David lives, and even make off with David's two wives as prisoners.  Apparently the people in the town also want to stone David because while everyone was distraught because of their sons and daughters, David had steeled himself in his relationship with Yahweh (aka God).  I know what you're thinking; that's not a good reason to stone someone. But remember, this is the Bronze Age, folks!  This is like the Wild West on steroids.

Well, David gets a hold of the priestly vest called an "ephod", dons it, and after encountering a starving Egyptian, commences to slaughter the Amalekites one more time, with only 400 men I might add!

So why, and how, do the Amalekites keep returning?  I haven't a clue.  Simple logic tells me that someone is bullshitting me here.  But let us assume the Bible is accurate and can not be questioned, which seems to be the main reason why religion is so strong in our society in the first place.

If they were killed, but came back a second time, obviously they must not have died.  But if they were killed a second time, and came back - I don't know about you, but you know what I think?

Zombies!!!

Zombies aren't that far-fetched for that era.  The Epic of Gilgamesh, which actually predates much of the Old Testament, and was probably the model for much of its earlier mythology (i.e. the Creation and Flood myths), writes this:

I will knock down the Gates of the Netherworld,

I will smash the door posts, and leave the doors flat down,

and will let the dead go up to eat the living!

And the dead will outnumber the living!

And I don't know about you - but I can't wait until The Walking Dead starts up again this October!

The Destruction of Ai and the Lynching of a King (Joshua 8):  What started out as an intriguing spy story is becoming a tale of genocide, written by its perpetrators.  Chapter 8 is about how the Israelites ambushed the Ai army; slaughtered them; slaughtered the inhabitants of the city; hung their king on a tree; and then killed a bunch of livestock as an animal sacrifice.

I remember seeing a Facebook page, now long deleted by FB, of a Hispanic group of teens and young adults that mutilated dogs and cats just for the heck of it.  They'd pose with the dismembered carcasses of dogs and cats in the background.  The Book of Joshua reminds me of that.  Except, I don't think the Israelites were responsible for the demise of Ai.

Most archaeologists would say that Ai was a pile of ruins even before the Israelites existed.  So, that would make this horrific tale only the yarns spun from the imaginations of a group desert barbarians in the Bronze Age, which makes sense.  When the Israelites did arise as an actual distinguishable society, they were using stories like this one, the Exodus, and Genesis to make sense of the world around them.  It was the science of the day.  Of course, it was bad science but it did serve the same function - an explanation of phenomena.

"Why is there an abandoned city over there?" 

The desert priests did not know the answer, so they made it up.  After all, to them and to the Israelites the ruins had to have something to do with the great mythic heroes of their own past.