Amalekites - the first zombies? (1 Samuel Chapter 30)

Above: Fighting the Amalekites 

For some reason, ALL my photos and images were removed from this and other blogs.  So, I was a bit discouraged for a bit.  But, the show must go on.


1 Samuel, Chapter 30 - This chapter is like the cherry on the cake for 1 Samuel.  The Amalekites, who have been exterminated TWICE in this book (Chapters 15 and 17), show up again and get exterminated completely yet again.

The chapter opens up with an invasion from the Amalekites, who assault the town of Ziklag where David lives, and even make off with David's two wives as prisoners.  Apparently the people in the town also want to stone David because while everyone was distraught because of their sons and daughters, David had steeled himself in his relationship with Yahweh (aka God).  I know what you're thinking; that's not a good reason to stone someone. But remember, this is the Bronze Age, folks!  This is like the Wild West on steroids.

Well, David gets a hold of the priestly vest called an "ephod", dons it, and after encountering a starving Egyptian, commences to slaughter the Amalekites one more time, with only 400 men I might add!

So why, and how, do the Amalekites keep returning?  I haven't a clue.  Simple logic tells me that someone is bullshitting me here.  But let us assume the Bible is accurate and can not be questioned, which seems to be the main reason why religion is so strong in our society in the first place.

If they were killed, but came back a second time, obviously they must not have died.  But if they were killed a second time, and came back - I don't know about you, but you know what I think?

Zombies!!!

Zombies aren't that far-fetched for that era.  The Epic of Gilgamesh, which actually predates much of the Old Testament, and was probably the model for much of its earlier mythology (i.e. the Creation and Flood myths), writes this:

I will knock down the Gates of the Netherworld,

I will smash the door posts, and leave the doors flat down,

and will let the dead go up to eat the living!

And the dead will outnumber the living!

And I don't know about you - but I can't wait until The Walking Dead starts up again this October!

Don't feed dead people. - Deuteronomy 26:14

Deuteronomy 26 is nice and short, and like the other chapters it's a list of arbitrary rules.  Here's basically what it says:

1. Give the first fruit of your crops to Yahweh (actually the priesthood).  The justification for this: Yahweh brought them out of Egypt.
2. Every three years, give more to the poor, the strangers, the priesthood, orphans, and widows.
3. Don't eat while in mourning, don't eat for unclean reasons, and don't offer food for the dead.