The ancient god Molech was a contemporary of Yahweh.

Joshua's Final Message (Joshua 23 & 24) - Reading the Old Testament is kind of cool, because we can really get a picture of the mindset of the people who founded a religion that would eventually evolve into Christianity, Islam, and even Mormonism.

In this story, Joshua is about 110 years old and he knows he's about to kick the bucket.  Oddly enough, it doesn't seem like he thinks he's going anywhere except into the ground.  To Joshua, it seems, there is no afterlife.  And the only purpose in worshipping Yahweh is so that He doesn't smite you in this life.

His final message is for the Israelites to not worship any other gods, nor to mention their names.  And this really illuminates the thoughts that were going through the minds of the people who actually wrote these stories down.  Today, we live in a society that is tolerant toward different religions and even tolerant to those with no religion.  But back then, these people were trying to establish a new religion and so they had to deal rather harshly with any competition.

So, no wonder they were so worried about people worshipping other gods.  The way the writers wrote about the subject made it seem like it was one of the greatest problems of their age.

Another subject that is brought up is the question of free will.  Joshua, speaking for Yahweh, says to "Choose who you will serve ..."  Choose one of these other gods and Yahweh will smite you, but choose Yahweh and you will be blessed.  Isn't that kind of like saying to your child (to steal an example from nonstampcollector), "You can choose whatever ice cream you want, but if you don't choose vanilla I'm going to take away all your toys, you can't watch cartoons, and you're going to be grounded for a week."

Is that what free will has come to?

At the end of the book, Joshua dies and there's a contradiction too.  Joshua 24:32 says that Joshua bought a parcel of land in which to lay to rest the bones of Joseph.  But in Acts 7:16, it says Abraham bought the parcel of land.  So, we have ourselves a nice little contradiction between the Old and New Testaments.

Next time we start reading the Book of Judges.

Yet Even MORE Bickering On How to Divide the Spoils!!!  Joshua Ch. 21 and 22 - Alright, I've read two more chapters and the Israelite tribes are still trying divide the spoils. 

Chapter 21, especially is all about that.

So, rather than get into the specifics about Chapter 21, it would be more useful (and fun) to point out the contradictions, false prophecies, and fun stuff within it. 

In Joshua 21:23-24, it reads that Aijalon (which means "the place of gazelles, hence the picture) is for the tribe of Dans.  However, in I Chronicles 6:66 (uh oh!) and 69 (yay!), the Bible says that Aijalon is for the tribe of Ephraim.

In 21:43-45, the Bible says that Yahweh delivered on His promise to secure all the land which He promised to the Israelite patriarchs.  However, as we just read last week and the week before, and in numerous locations throughout the Bible, it's just not the case.

In Chapter 22 however, we return to the plague of the ancient Israelites - their tendency to worship many gods and the desperate need to expunge this inconvenience.

The tribes of Reuben, Gad, and the half-tribe of Manassah (two and a half tribes!), after accepting their spoils, go back to their land and build an altar.  Apparently, it was a really cool alter, too.  The only problem is that when the other tribes heard about this altar, they went apeshit!

Apparently, this whole ordeal was a misunderstanding, and after some explanation that I'm not sure I completely understand, the priests of the 2.5 tribes convinced the other tribes that this altar was really just a monument between the tribes that Yahweh is their god.

That's cool, I guess.  It's just so weird that the other tribes made such a big deal about it in the first place.

Joshua divides the Israelites' inheritance by lot.  www.freebibleillustrations.com

More Dividing the Spoils (Joshua 16, 17, 18, 19, and 20) - Damn!  A large chunk of the Book of Joshua is just dividing up the spoils of war to the various Israelite tribes.

Chapter 16 through 19 are basically the same thing.  "These guys get this lot of land, those guys get that lot of land."  The only thing notable about these chapters is that in 16 and 17, we see that Yahweh yet again failed on His promises to drive out everyone the Israelites encounter.  Apparently, there was a little bit of difficulty with the Canaanites (and the Jebusites earlier, remember?).

Another interesting development happens in 18 and 19, where the last seven tribes who still need their inheritance draw lots for the land - thereby gambling.  Fortunately, it isn't until later in the Bible that gambling is seen in a bad light.  In their defense though, there had to be some method in which to designate who gets what.

It isn't until Chapter 20 that the story changes.  I was starting to get a little worried that the Book of Joshua was just going to be one long story of dividing up lots of land to the different tribes.  Chapter 20 brings up the "avenger of the blood" again.  If you don't remember, the avenger of the blood is a relative of a murder victim who is seeking to kill the murderer. 

Chapter 20 designates refuge cities where the alleged murderer can run to and not be expected to be killed by the avenger of the blood.  The alleged murderer essentially has something akin to probation here.  It's an interesting idea for their time, but still the murderer is basically free.  All they've done is give him refuge from the "avenger of the blood".

Contradictions in Joshua Ch. 15? - First of all, I think one planning to read the Bible can skip this chapter.  It's just more dividing up conquered lands to people.  But, if you're interested in contradictions there's some in here.

The first one comes up in Joshua 15:20, 33.  It says "this is the inheritance of the tribe of the children of Judah ... in the valley, Eshataol and Zoreah.  But then, if we skip ahead to Ch. 19:40-41, it says those cities were given to the children of Dan.

The second contradiction is actually a false prophecy.  In Ex.33:2; Dt.7:1,  7:24, 9:4-6,  31:3-7; Jos.1:1-5,  3:10, 17:17-18,  21:41-43, Yahweh tells the Israelites that He will drive ALL the inhabitants out of the land for the Israelites.  However, Yahweh and the Israelites can not, for the life of them, drive out those damned Jebusites!  (Josh. 15:63).


And of course there's a little bit of good old fashioned Old Testament cruelty and family values.  In Josh. 15:16-17, a man named Caleb offers his daughter to the person who conquers a city called Kirjathsepher.  A man named Othniel, son of Kenaz, conquers the strangely named city, and so Caleb gives his daughter to him.

Joshua Divides Conquered Territories Amongst Israelite Tribes (Joshua Chapter 13) - Joshua is getting pretty old now, and now he is given the task of dividing the conquered lands and appropriating them to the various Israelite tribes.

There's not much else to it, so I don't want to bore you, except that there seems to be a confusion of names.  It starts off with Joshua being old and told my Yahweh that he must divide the remaining land amongst the tribes; and then suddenly it's Moses dividing the land.  And, I get a feeling this is a repetition or some sort of reiteration from Numbers. 

Also noteworthy is that tribe of Levites do not get any inheritance (because they are the priestly tribe), for their inheritance is Yahweh Himself. 

So anyways, this chapter is a little bit confusing

Just a few leftover giants from the time of Moses.  From theholychao.atorium.net

A List of Kings Killed?  (Joshua 12) - Okay, so after the havoc wrought in the previous chapters, it appears that Chapter 12 is an inventory of dead kings.  I read it three or four times, and I admit I can't make much sense of it, so if anyone knows what it means, please tell me.  But, my impression is that Chapter 12 is basically a list of the kings were summarily executed upon the Israelites' victory.

Also interesting is the mention of the remnants of giants, whom are mentioned during a recap of the amount of territory that Moses had conquered.  Gotta love those giants! 

I know a Christian guy that is all about these giants, aka the Nephilim, and really believes they existed.  After all, it's right there in the Bible. And he even has some cool Photoshopped pictures to prove it!

Israelites Under Joshua Continue Their War (Joshua 11) - So, it's not over.  Apparently, there's still a few more people still alive in the surrounding regions, and they've decided to retaliate against the Israelites.  Haven't these people learned their lesson?  I guess it's hard to learn when the Creator of the Universe tricks you into dying.

King Jabin of Hazor called on many different kingdoms comprising of Canaanites, Amorites, Hittites, Perizzites, and Jebusites.  The Book of Joshua says, "And they went out, they and all their hosts with them, much people, even as the sand that is upon the sea shore in multitude, with horses and chariots very many."

But Joshua, of course, is comforted by Yahweh, who apparently "hardened the hearts"  (Josh. 11:20) of all these people with the explicit intent that the Israelites, and Him, will completely annihilate them.

And they do.  It is such a slaughter that it is described in Josh. 11:11 like this, "they smote all the souls that were therein with the edge of the sword, utterly destroying them: there was not any left to breathe: and he burnt Hazor with fire."

Only Hazor was burnt with a fire, though.  Because it was Hazor who started this attack, after Yahweh hardened their hearts, which lead them to go to battle against the Israelites.  The other cities were looted.

"And all the spoil of these cities, and the cattle, the children of Israel took for a prey unto themselves; but every man they smote with the edge of the sword, until they had destroyed them, neither left they any to breathe." (Josh. 11:14)

The Israelites Go On a Rampage!  (Joshua 10) - Wow, so now the storytellers who wrote Joshua have turned up the volume on their maniacal war tales!

Joshua 10 is basically a tale of the Israelites defending their ally in Gibeon from five Amorite armies.  "Quick, Joshua!  Hurry and bring your army, because we need help badly!"  That was basically the message from the Gibeons to Joshua.

And Joshua went up to the city of Gibeon with his army, and with the help of Yahweh throwing heavy hailstones at the soldiers, OBLITERATE all the of Amorite armies.  Joshua actually told the Gibeons that the slaughter would be finished before nightfall.  However, because not even Yahweh can kill the armies in all five kingdoms in the time allotted, Yahweh does what can only be described as a cosmic Daylight Savings!

After this, perhaps just to prove a point, the Israelite armies go to each of the five Amorite kingdoms and wreak havoc on their cities, killing EVERYONE!!!  Literally, he "utterly destroyed all that breathed, as the Lord commanded."

So, what do you think?  Do you think it's a good idea to completely annihilate entire populations (young and old, men and women, children, livestock, etc.) if God says it's okay to do so?

The Israelites Gain More Slaves (Joshua Ch. 9) - After the slaughter of the people of Ai, and the lynching of their king, masses of people start showing up to ally themselves with the Israelites.  Of course, this is all according to the Bible, there is no archaeological evidence to support this. 

Among these people are the Hivites (the stone carving above depicts a Hivite), who - like the others - asked if they can be included among the tribes of Israel.  The leaders of the tribe were against this, and suggested to Joshua that they take these people as slaves.  In their words, "hewers of wood and carriers of water", meaning "Let's keep these guys to do all the dirty work."  And that's what Joshua decided to do.

Imagine.  A lot of these people traveled a long, long, looooooooooongg time.  One of the travelers said they left with clean clothes and now there clothes are falling apart, they had wine and now the wine is rank, they had bread and now it was moldy; he offered this as evidence for their long trek.  So, these people traveled long and far under the hopes they could be in the good graces of the Israelites, and then they become their slaves.

Whether or not this is true, the mere fact that someone would write this down is proof of how alien a world these people lived in.

The Destruction of Ai and the Lynching of a King (Joshua 8):  What started out as an intriguing spy story is becoming a tale of genocide, written by its perpetrators.  Chapter 8 is about how the Israelites ambushed the Ai army; slaughtered them; slaughtered the inhabitants of the city; hung their king on a tree; and then killed a bunch of livestock as an animal sacrifice.

I remember seeing a Facebook page, now long deleted by FB, of a Hispanic group of teens and young adults that mutilated dogs and cats just for the heck of it.  They'd pose with the dismembered carcasses of dogs and cats in the background.  The Book of Joshua reminds me of that.  Except, I don't think the Israelites were responsible for the demise of Ai.

Most archaeologists would say that Ai was a pile of ruins even before the Israelites existed.  So, that would make this horrific tale only the yarns spun from the imaginations of a group desert barbarians in the Bronze Age, which makes sense.  When the Israelites did arise as an actual distinguishable society, they were using stories like this one, the Exodus, and Genesis to make sense of the world around them.  It was the science of the day.  Of course, it was bad science but it did serve the same function - an explanation of phenomena.

"Why is there an abandoned city over there?" 

The desert priests did not know the answer, so they made it up.  After all, to them and to the Israelites the ruins had to have something to do with the great mythic heroes of their own past.

Joshua Ch. 7: Entire Family Executed Because Dad Looted Jericho - After taking Jericho, Yahweh gets pissed off.  Achan, son of Zerah, apparently did a little looting after Jericho.  Shortly thereafter, Israelites lose a battle against the men of Ai.

So, Joshua gets paranoid and asks Yahweh, "What's the big deal?"  Yahweh says that Achan, son of Zerah, took "the accursed thing" and that he should be killed.  Joshua investigates the matter and questions Achan; who confesses.  He apparently stole some clothing and some money.

For this crime, Joshua rounds Achan, his sons and daughters, his livestock, and the loot together.  When they were all huddled together, the Israelites threw large stones at them, effectively killing them all because old Achan decided to partake of the spoils of war.

So, what do you think?  Do you think Achan and his entire family deserved to die because of his actions?

Yahweh's Strategy for Taking Down Jericho - Jericho was allegedly a city that was surrounded by great walls.  Back in the Bronze Age, the usual method of taking down walled cities was a long and drawn out siege.  Fortunately, the Israelites had the Creator of the Universe to help them take out the town of Jericho.

His strategy?  Seven Israelite priests will blow into ram's horns seven times a day and march around Jericho carrying the Ark of the Covenant, for seven days.  During the entire seven days, the Israelites are instructed to remain silent.  On the seventh day, after the last ram's horn was blown into, and the final lap around the city was made, every Israelite was to shout.  The walls would fall, and the Israelite army was instructed to descend upon the town and kill everyone. 

Everyone except for Rahab, of course. Remember her?  The hooker who hid the Israelite scouts?


How did the strategy work?  Well, according to the Book of Joshua, after seven days they sounded the horn, shouted, and sure enough, the walls fell and the Israelite army "utterly destroyed all that was in the city, both man and woman, young and old, and ox, and sheep, and ass, with the edge of the sword." (Joshua 6:21)


But hey.  That's politics, right?  It's about who you know, and Rahab had the hookups.


One interesting thing about Jericho is that it is a living contradiction.  Joshua said that anyone who tries to rebuild Jericho (Why?  What did they do that was so bad that they killed innocent people, too?) would pay for it with their eldest and youngest child and their descendents will be considered to be cursed by God.  But, Jericho is still around today, and considered to be the longest continuously occupied city. 

Yahweh Demands that Israelites be Circumcised a SECOND Time!!! Ouch!  (Joshua, Chapter 5) - Imagine that you're a soldier in Iraq a few years ago.  You're lined up with a few hundred other men, crouched down behind a ditch and ready to move into Fallujah.  It's expected to be a vicious firefight.  And, for the sake of argument let's pretend that you've already been circumcised at birth.

Then word comes down the line that you're commanding officer requires that all soldiers, even those already circumcised, must get a second circumcision before the battle.  This is basically what happens to the Israelites before they mount their assault on Jericho.  And, I'd imagine that's when some young Israelite soldier coined the term, "WTF?!?"

What's worse is that the Israelites were so numerous that they actually created a "hill of foreskins".  I tried to find an image of a "hill of foreskins", and unfortunately the only image I came up with was the one pictured above, and a bunch of homosexual photos and some weird reference to "docking", which I won't get into here.  Let's just say that some people have way too much time on their hands!

After the men healed, the Captain of Yahweh's angelic host came down to visit Joshua, with a message from the Big Man Himself.  "Take off your shoes, Bub, for you are on Holy Ground."

And that's where Joshua, Chapter 5 ends.  The Book of Joshua is turning into a rather odd tale, with tales of intrigue, spies, supernatural beings, and a hill of foreskins.

Above: The Gilgal Gardens in Salt Lake City.  Photo from 15 Bytes

Joshua Builds a Monument to the Israelites Crossing of the Jordan River - At the time that Joshua was written, there must have been some sort of monument, or a peculiar grouping of stones, in the Jordan River and also another set on the banks of it (or not too far from shore).

Those who saw the stones probably wondered where they came from.  I say this because the author writes that the stones "are still there unto this day."  (Joshua 4:4)  This suggests that the book was written well after the fact, and the chapter serves as an explanation for these peculiar stones.  By the way, the stones are no longer there.

But according to Joshua, the stones acted as a monument to the Israelites 'miraculous' crossing of the Jordan River.  The author even writes that this is the story that should be told to children who come later, asking pesky questions.

After this unusual ceremony and the Jordan River filled back up with water, 40,000 Israelite warriors assembled on the plains of Jericho.  Another monument was erected with 12 stones Joshua had taken with him.

Perhaps one interesting correlation with this story, is the story of Moses crossing the Red Sea.  Twice Yahweh assisted the Israelites with crossing a difficult body of water.  But the situations were completely opposite.  In Moses' time, the Israelites crossed a large sea and were fleeing an oppressing army; this time the Israelites were the ones on the warpath.

Yahweh Lies to Joshua (Chapter 3) - Chapter 3 is very similar in wording to the last chapters.  Yahweh once again promises Joshua, and Joshua reports in 3:10, "He (Yahweh, or God) will without fail drive out from before you the Canaanites, and the Hittites, and the Hivites, and the Perizzites, and the Girgashites, and the Amorites, and the Jebusites"

In essence, this is a lie that will become obvious a few chapters later in the book. 

There is one miracle that occurs where the Israelites were able to cross the Jordan River without getting their feet wet.  This occurred during their march toward Jericho.

The Israelite priests holding the Ark of the Covenant to lead the column, until they got to the Jordan River.  the Israelites would then have to stand 2,000 cubits behind the ark, and make sure they had been properly cleaned prior to their march, etc.  As the water receded the priests holding the Ark stood in what was once the middle of the river, while the Israelites continued to the other side of the bank.

There sure are a lot of prostitutes in the Bible (Joshua, Chapter 2) - It's no secret that prostitution is one of the oldest professions.  There will always be a demand for sex, no matter what legal restrictions are put on it. 

In this case, the prostitute becomes a central character in the story, and there's a little foreshadowing to show that she's going to play a part later on as well.

Joshua sent out two scouts to survey the land, and especially Jericho, the walled city.  While in Jericho, the scouts went into a harlot named Rahab's house, where they "came in unto her".  I'm not sure if this means they had sex with her, or if they just stayed the night.  But, it is worded as sex has been worded in previous books, especially with the phrase "came in unto her".

Well Rahab took kindly to these two gentlemen, whether it's because they were good lovers or she really bought into the notion of their god, I can't say.  But she did mention that she has heard of their god Yahweh, and that the people in the region fear the Israelites.  So, maybe she was betting that Jericho would lose the coming invasion.

Rahab's house was located on a part of the wall surrounding Jericho.  She let them rappel down the wall by a scarlet thread.  This thread was to remain on her window to warn the invading Israelites not to hurt anyone inside that house, as per an arrangement she made with the two scouts.

So, we got the making for a pretty interesting war story.  Scouts meeting with sympathizers inside the walls of Jericho, and the ominous fear being felt by its inhabitants, knowing about the coming invasion.  Too bad the authors of Joshua sucked, or perhaps it was the translators.  In any case, there are the elements for a halfway decent story to be told here, and whoever wrote it or translated blew it.  I wonder, does this mean that Shakespeare was a better author than Yahweh?

Joshua of Nun (Joshua 1:1) - Immediately after Moses's death, Yahweh looks to Joshua, the Son of Nun.  Yahweh (aka the Judeo-Christian God) says to Joshua that He will not fail him, and "every place that the sole of your foot shall tread upon, I will give unto you."

So, let's not bandy about here.  In order to be a fundamentalist Christian today, we have to believe the following:  the all-knowing, all-powerful Lord of the Universe, Yahweh Himself, is actively taking part of a tribe of desert barbarians wandering about the Mediterranean/Middle Eastern desert, promising them land in His role as an "omniscient real estate agent" (thank Sam Harris for that jewel).

Joshua isn't shy about this at all.  He gets right to it, and starts commanding the Israelite tribes.  And just like Moses in Deuteronomy, he falls into the same rhythm:  "Do as I say and you will get everything you ask for, but if you don't you will be put to death."

Next time, Joshua's spies hump a hooker.

Moses dies, couldn't have written Deuteronomy - Many religious people contend that Moses wrote the first five books of the Bible (the Pentateuch) by himself.  That can't be, because how could he have written Chapter 34, which is essentially his obituary?

It's a very short chapter, too.  Moses dies in Moab and is buried somewhere near Bethpeor, but no one knows where his tomb is (Deut. 34:6).

It says he lived to be 120 years old, and was sharp-witted and able-bodied as ever, which contradicts Chapter 31, which said he was unable to "go out and come in".  I'm not sure what Chapter 31 was referring to, but it sounded like it was a big problem for Moses.

The chapter also ends by saying that no prophet in Israel is like Moses, in that he knew Yahweh "face to face".  This, of course, contradicts many other verses in the Bible that describe people who actually have seen Yahweh, or the claim that Yahweh can be seen at all.  In fact, in Exodus 33:11, Yahweh Himself only shows his ass to Moses and tells him he will never be able to see his face because no man can see His Face and live.

And that ends my foray into the Book of Deuteronomy, and I'm proud to say, I finished reading the Pentateuch.  Finally!

Moses does a final shout to his boys - Before he dies, Moses does a shout out to his boys in the leadership caste of the Israelites in Chapter 33.  It's not too much really, just the glorious rantings of a dying old man who probably never existed.

One thing that's weird is that in the beginning it says that these are Moses's words, but Moses is mentioned in the list of people being praised.  In fact, he's the first one.

Some of the more interesting "props" given is for Levi, and a special compliment for his Urim and Thummim. The Urim and Thummim is kind of like a coin toss.  Flip it and it lands, you get heads (or Urim) or tails (Thummim), and that guides the decision.


Another interesting shout-out is to Joseph, who actually gets a lot of praise from Mo.  Aside from Joseph being blessed by Yahweh in successful agriculture and hunting his glory is like the first male son of a bull, and his horns are like a unicorn.  They really had a different concept for flattery back then, didn't they?

Deuteronomy 32: Is God Bipolar?- If Yahweh had a psychologist to evaluate Him, it's pretty clear that He'd be diagnosed with a severe case of bipolar disorder.  This is of course bad news to His followers.

Chapter 32 starts off nice, Moses talking about how great Yahweh is and how perfect His work is.  And then, with almost no transition, it sinks into the macabre.  Literally, here's the transition:

32:4 He is the Rock, his work is perfect: for all his ways are judgment: a God of truth and without iniquity, just and right is he.
32:5 They have corrupted themselves, their spot is not the spot of his children: they are a perverse and crooked generation.

And it goes downhill from there - burning and starving for everyone, including elderly and children.

What I want to know is - where does perception of a loving God come from?  I mean I see that the Israelites loved Yahweh - well, some of them did.  And Yahweh sometimes shows love - but it's a love that's built on conditions.  It's not really "love" as we understand it.  And it's built on the most ridiculous of conditions - "Believe in me and follow my laws, or else!"

As Deuteronomy, and therefore the Pentateuch, come to a close, I yearn for the great wisdom of the Bible.  I haven't seen much evidence for it yet.  Deuteronomy especially is just the same thing, over and over:  "God is wonderful, but since you guys suck He's going to make your life really shitty!"